The Miracle of Sperm

Mother, baby and pregnancy magazines appear to be taking over the house. Jo has always had this unique ability to spend vast amounts of money on such things without ever seemingly putting any real effort into the task. But even so I can not believe that she has managed to purchase so much literature in such a short time. I can only conclude therefore that over the past few months she has been secretly stashing them away in anticipation of a more appropriate time to reveal her collection to me. And what could be a more appropriate time then than today; just a few days after finding out that she is pregnant?

Half in despair and half in awe of her foreword planning, I flick though the mags, passing by numerous articles on Birthing Methods, Best Buy Buggies and pointless quizzes on Discovering Your Perfect Birthing Partner, before stumbling across a token article directed towards the male half of the pregnancy; a feature dedicated to the greatness that is the Sperm, and men’s fertility.

Rudely interrupting Jo as she attempts to complete a Baby Gender Prediction test, I read out interesting snippets from the article:

“One amount of ejaculate may contain between 40 million to 600 million sperm depending on the volume and the length of time stored before ejaculating. Yet, the quantity of sperm produced will only cover the head of a pin”

“You're most likely to be fertile if you have more than 20 million sperm per millilitre of semen”

“It’s not enough just to have enough. Sperm shape and structure are equally important. You are most likely to be fertile if more than one third of your sperm are of normal shape and structure”

“To reach the target, your sperm have to move. Riding the semen wave will only take the sperm so far. To reach the egg, sperm have to move on their own — wriggling and swimming the last few inches to reach and penetrate the egg. Sperm movement is an important characteristic of healthy sperm. You're most likely to be fertile if at least half of your sperm are moving”

“The speed at which sperm has to travel to reach the egg is unbelievable – 500cm per second (that’s about 10 miles per hour). Only one sperm out of an average of 250 million will be successful”

Jo stares at me in silence for a few moments, before speaking. “Your point is…?”

It’s juvenile. It’s predictable. I know this; but I don’t care. I even perform a stupid little jig as I sing out the words:

“Who’s the Daddy?!”

Jo smiles. She has every reason to mock, but does not. The next nine months are pretty much all about her and baby. And they will of course get all the attention they need and deserve. But for now, this is my moment, and I’m allowed to revel in it.

Jo joins in with the jig: “You’re the Daddy!”